Is there such thing as heaven and hell when there is no such thing as fairness in life? People say that the good will be repaid with a reward and the bad will be repaid with punishment. But I guess something is wrong wif my life now.
Yes i know that patience is the key word to success. Does it mean that I have to be patient all the time till my death date? Then when can I can what I want, when all the time, I have been doing things for other people's sake?
Nxt thing is about husband and wife. Islam says that wife must always be loyal to husband, do as wat told and do not do anything that permission is not granted by husband. My life everyday is morning wake up for work, whereby work is something that my husband wants me to do, in order to earn EXTRA income for the family. Nxt, I eat on food based on the money that husband has given to me. I dun spend more. Sometimes i dun spend a single cent. Home time, i wll go straight to my parent's place to fetch my kids. And headed straight home, where I take care of my kids, watch tv, play pc. Never once i go out at nite. Every nite, I look at the clock, hoping for time to past very fast for weekend to come, so i can see him home, and I always imagine the happy moments that we as family gonna spend time wif.
However, in reality... despite my loyalty and sincerity as a wife, what I imagine, never come true. Yes it will be true if my pocket has lotza money. If not, I am the trash at home. Y m i treated this way? Y is it like I am the breadwinner of the family? If i dont produce income, that's the end of the world. I have to support him for all his bills and his spendings. If i dun, this is what i gonna get.
Im like a stranger to him in the house. We never talk. He never touch me. I dun get the love that I should be getting. Is this the reward of being loyal??
Where is the fairness in life???
Is there love or am i being used for my softness?
Its so complicated.
In the name of ALLAH, i love muhammad jailani. i respect him as a husband and a lover. I never once betray him. I always try my best to make him happy.
But, i failed.
1 more mth to our 4th year.
Is it gonna be....
